Food Giving Ceremony

If you were to judge on the basis of the pattern, the intricacies, the ‘rituals’ involved,  giving food to our four legged is nothing short of a full fledged ceremony.  But don’t be fooled. Nothing ever prepares you for this seemingly harmless and peaceful task.

The Pattern

The ceremony must necessarily begin dot on time. Whether it is breakfast, lunch or dinner, there are dire consequences for the slightest of delays. If you happen to be up and about (during lunch or dinner time), then you are lucky, at least you can identify a growing sense of discontent and act accordingly. On the other hand, if you are asleep, the enemy has already attacked before you realize it. Good for you if you are a light sleeper. You get off very lightly if your sleep is disturbed due to sounds of claws on cane or a louder than usual mew.  If you are jerked awake by Blondie mewing at a pitch which can shatter glass…right into your ear (she displays an uncanny knowledge of human biology, knowing exactly where the two legged receive sound waves), well, it could be worse.  I consider getting up with a load on your chest (cat), subject to a series of sharp nips, designed to wake up but not injure to be the very worst. Of course, this is a fool proof method of being woken up; the nips just get sharper till you do!

Then, there is a hierarchy that must be maintained. One must serve the cats before the dogs. The reason is dogs are way more patient! The most that can happen is that you go for a toss.  Turbo (our 40kg + lab) drooling all over the floor is ready recipe for a nasty fall. Poor chap! He just can’t help it!

The Rituals:

There is something immensely comforting about rituals. And, with each passing day and each new four legged, the rituals seem to be increasing. For instance, if Snap doesn’t do a tap dance in the cage and drop at least some food item under the bars where she cannot reach, one should start getting worried! Similarly, Dandy MUST knock down the tin which contains kibbles during at least one meal irrespective of whether her food bowl is full or empty. Toffee must snatch the ball (food bowl) as it skids over the tiled floor, from any of the others, put  Messi to shame with her deft passes  and end up somewhere far to eat her food. Nemo and Litty surely have to inch closer and closer till they are literally standing over their bowls and nudging your hand to serve food faster. Master WILL scold you at least once early in the morning when you go to give him his share of biscuits.  Toady (Todar Mal) HAS to play with the kibbles during breakfast.

The Intricacies:

A successful round of food giving contains two parts. Making sure that the food has been given, and making sure the food has been eaten. To facilitate its success, there are certain thumb rules.  Always serve Tuktuki food separately, at a height. Stack up Wally’s share of five biscuits in the morning and serve them together.  She will refuse to eat unless all five are in front of her. Circuit never has kibbles. Always serve her fish and rice. Blondie, Chutki, Bittu, Delta, Wendy, Chichi have only kibbles, no fish, no rice. The ‘pups’, meaning Wally, Brandy, Master (they are 5 years old now) must be served all meals directly on the floor. Meals doled out on plates are rarely successful. Yani and Chutux should be given only ‘roti’, the former has a hole in the palate which makes him throw out anything else through his nose while the latter has a figure to maintain! I could go on…

The ceremony has evolved over the years.  Till 2012, it used to take us anything from an hour to an hour and a half for one meal; those were the days when our dear Spotty had to be fed.  He was fed in the morning, by night he was ready to eat on his own, back to being fed the next day.  Now, it takes us an average of 45 minutes even though the numbers have doubled since then. What was once a decent, long drawn but uneventful process has now suddenly become faster, eventful and unpredictable  where,  even from a position of power (after all, YOU are the one giving the food!) you are dismissed rather unceremoniously!